This Christmas, if you’re planning on sitting down with a festive movie, we recommend that you don’t waste your time with any of the following. These are all movies deserving of a place on Santa’s naughty list because of how bad they are.
Of course, if you have an irritating friend, relative, or work colleague who has made your life a misery this year, the movies on this list can be recommended if you want to gift them something that will give you (but not them) a feeling of Grinch-like Christmas cheer!
Do you agree with our movie choices? Are there any notable omissions that deserve a place on this list? Let us know in the comments below.
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)
In this appalling family movie, a bunch of Martians kidnap Santa Claus because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents. It’s not a bad premise as alien younglings deserve a happy Christmas too!
But as this movie is inept in nearly every way, with incredibly wooden acting, terrible special effects, and moments that are actually quite disturbing (such as Santa’s maniacal laughing when he first meets the Martian children), this low-budget festive sci-fi movie is hardly likely to fill anybody (humans or otherwise) with the Christmas spirit.
Jingle All The Way 2 (2014)
The first Jingle All The Way movie was bad enough with its witless story about two dads trying to get their hands on the must-have Christmas toy of the season. But this WWE production is even worse, with a less talented cast led by Larry the Cable Guy taking part in a tale that is almost a carbon copy of the less-than-enjoyable original.
In this one, Larry stars as a dad who is trying to get his hands on a toy bear for his daughter before her stepdad gets there before him. The scene should be set for a few comical hijinks but thanks to the appalling script and bad production values, this is as grim as a burnt brussel sprout that is hidden under the mashed potato on your Christmas dinner plate.
The Nutcracker (2010)
Sitting at 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, this adaptation of The Nutcracker is not one you should show your children over Christmas. Not only is it a terrible movie with its inconsistent plot, poor musical lyrics, and ugly-looking CGI, but it’s also quite disturbing due to its parallels to Nazi Germany and scenes that may be too frightening for the little ones in your family.
The movie was originally shown in 3D, presumably to gain a bigger audience, but no matter what dimension this movie is in, you should skip it and seek out a better version of Tchaikovsky’s famous ballet.
Father Christmas Is Back (2021)
Don’t be fooled by the title. This movie isn’t about the white-bearded Father Christmas that we all know and love. Rather, it’s about an absentee father named James Christmas who turns up at his family’s door after 27 years of being away. Kelsey Grammer takes the titular role and he is joined in the cast by Liz Hurley, John Cleese, Caroline Quentin, and a cast of lesser-known British actors who fail to inject life into this farcical flop.
As we mentioned in our 2021 list of Christmas turkeys, this movie is like a well-wrapped Christmas present with a steaming reindeer turd inside, due to its promising trailer that might fool the unsuspecting into thinking they are in for a good time with this one. We promise you – they’re not. One minute with this squabbling family will make you grateful for your own, no matter how annoying they are.
Surviving Christmas (2004)
A year after starring in one of the worst movies ever made, 2013’s Gigli, Ben Affleck starred in this awful ‘comedy’ about a rich advertising executive who pays a family to spend Christmas with him. Do they all get along? Well, as you can see from the image above, the answer is definitely “no.”
You’ll likely want to get out your own shovel and bury this in a deep hole if you’re gifted this on DVD as despite the talented cast which includes James Gandolfini and Catherine O’Hara, it’s a dumb farce that is lamer than a badly written and acted Christmas pantomime.
Bad Santa 2 (2016)
Despite the unlikable characters at the core of the movie, 2003’s Bad Santa was a very funny comedy, with a career change of pace for Billy Bob Thornton as Willie Stokes, an alcoholic con artist who plots his criminal schemes while dressed up as Santa. The movie was tasteless, irreverent, and in perfect contrast to the sickly sweet festive movies we tend to see during the Christmas season.
This sequel, on the other hand, is a pointless rehash of that movie. It’s just as puerile and vulgar but this time not in a good way due to the lowbrow humour that serves no purpose beyond needless shock value. Not even the presence of the incredible Kathy Bates can save this lazily written and acted movie that undermines the quality of the much better original.
A Christmas Story 2 (2012)
1983’s A Christmas Story is a genuine classic and 2022’s sequel, A Christmas Story Christmas, which featured a now grown-up Ralphie with a family of his own, was pretty decent too. Sitting between those movies is A Christmas Story 2, with a different actor playing Ralphie but with a similar premise – the bespectacled boy has his eyes on another expensive present, this time a car rather than the first movie’s Red Ryder BB gun.
The change in actor isn’t this movie’s biggest problem. Rather, it’s the bad script that tries to replicate the funny moments from the 80s classic but fails to do so because of a lack of charm and genuine hilarity. The 1983 movie is always worth a rewatch but this direct-to-DVD sequel isn’t even worth a one-time showing.
Santa With Muscles (1996)
Hulk Hogan as Santa Claus? You already know this movie is going to be bad with this former wrestler turned non-actor in the title role. In fairness, he doesn’t actually play Santa. Rather, his character is a heartless millionaire who believes he’s Father Christmas after an accident gives him amnesia.
Still, you’ll probably wish you had amnesia after watching this brainless misfire which somehow incorporates a search for glowing blue crystals and a squad of people with superpowers. Nothing makes any sense in this tortuous movie that will make you shout “no no no” instead of “ho ho ho” if you put yourself through this genuinely painful viewing experience.
Home Alone: Holiday Heist (2012)
The first two Home Alone movies are considered classics by some, with their cartoonish violence and adorable performance from blonde moppet Macauley Culkin. This TV movie features another kid who sets up booby traps to protect his home from bumbling thieves but despite the enthusiastic playing of Christian Martyn as the wannabee Kevin McCallister, this fails on almost every level thanks to the charmless script and tired formula that fails to replicate the laughs or the Christmas magic of the first two movies.
If you’re home alone this Christmas, you owe it to yourself to watch one of these Christmas crackers instead of this low-budget disappointment that should be shipped off on a plane, never to be heard from again.
A Karate Christmas Miracle (2019)
Cobra’s Kai’s Martin Kove is in this movie but don’t let that fool you into thinking this is a festive version of that hilarious show. Don’t expect a Christmassy Karate Kid-type movie either. This low-budget time waster about a boy who thinks his missing father will return if he earns his black belt by Christmas Day makes very little sense and is made worse by its decidedly unfestive setup involving a mass shooting.
With its bad acting, terrible fight scenes, and questionable plot, this has to rank as one of the worst Christmas movies ever made. Some of the other movies on this list are worth a watch because of the ‘so bad it’s good factor.’ This movie, however, is so bad it’s nearly unwatchable!
How many of these movies have you seen? Which Christmas movies would you put on this list? Let us know in the comments below.