My Beautiful Man – Season 1 Episode 5 Recap & Review

Episode 5

My Beautiful Man Episode 5 brings us Kiyoi’s point of view. He describes wanting to be happy as a child, like the stars on TV. His mother remarried, had more kids and left him feeling side-lined. He’d wanted to be desired like an idol, wanted to be wanted that way.

At rehearsal, Kiyoi can’t get the line ‘I love you’ right. The cast jokes it’s because it’s not something Kiyoi would say. They’re right – he’s never said it. He recalls pegging Hira a loser at first sight, but the constant staring made him curious. And the way he’d spoken to him so passionately back then, makes his heart pound with a desire to see those eyes again.

Kiyoi recalls feeling used by his school friends but is curious about the feeling behind Hira’s gaze. Is he different from the others? The moment Kiyoi lost the contest and wasn’t special anymore, they left him. But not Hira.

During the juice incident, Hira attacked Shirota like a crazed fanatic, all for Kiyoi. At that time, Hira helped him to keep going. On the last day of school, he’d expected Hira to confess, but nothing. After taking the initiative himself and kissing him, he’d panicked. It was his first kiss.

Kiyoi reasons out that Hira is also selfish and entitled, but without realizing it. He never asks how Kiyoi feels, consumed by his own view. After graduation, Kiyoi hadn’t heard from him again, eventually discovering the number was disconnected. He couldn’t believe Hira just dropped him after the way he’d looked at him.

Then at rehearsal, he hears Hira’s name from the Director’s mouth – his brother’s boyfriend. Boyfriend? He suggests the director check him out and invite them to a performance, without revealing anything. At the show, Kiyoi can’t believe how nervous he feels, knowing Hira is there. But he’s gratified, finally seeing that look on Hira’s face. And victorious when Hira agrees to join the after-party.

After Hira backs out, he hears it’s Koyama’s birthday. Does Hira resent him and therefore chose Koyama, even after looking at him that way? Then there he is, at another show.

When his colleague asks about Hira, he badmouths him to prove he’s not into him like the guy suspects. Changing the topic, the actor offers Kiyoi help if he’s still having trouble saying ‘I love you,’ but Kiyoi quickly brushes off the flirting. This guy isn’t anything like Hira.

He recalls the duck in the dirty stream back in school, and how it reminded him of himself. In a place he didn’t want to be, not fitting in. He thought he might find others like himself, but it didn’t happen that way.

In the next rehearsal, thinking of Hira, he’s able to bring meaning to the line. The director is moved, praising him and confirming that that’s the feeling of love. To himself, he thinks ‘creepy.’ After rehearsal, Kiyoi is angry, caught between his emotions. He realizes that no matter how many people see him on stage, none are like Hira. He considers giving up on him, hitting Hira’s number but quickly hanging up.

At Hira’s house, Koyama ‘accidently’ knocks over a box of photos, spotting Kiyoi’s face among the rectangles. He asks Hira if he can stay over, confessing his love, just as Kiyoi walks in the door. Kiyoi takes off, of course.

Koyama apologises to a distraught Hira, barely getting a reaction to his love confession. Koyama asks if he’s not good enough and Hira responds that he’ll quit the photo club. Guessing that Kiyoi is Hira’s love he’s still appalled that he’d called him creepy. Hira can’t explain why he loves Kiyoi. But Koyama knows loving without reason is the strongest. He leaves Hira pondering his choices.

The Episode Review

Here it is – episode 5 of My Beautiful Man where Kiyoi shares his feelings, exposing everything. Are you surprised it goes this deep? That he’s nearly as obsessed with Hira as Hira is with him? That, although from a different mindset, he has many similar thoughts to Hira? And sees him so clearly.

Suddenly, from the inside, they seem better matched – but he’ll have to pry Hira away from his pre-conceptions first. The greatest difference between them is the sense of self-worth. Kiyoi knows he’s better than a grope from a guy who slobbers on everyone. While Hira is still pushed about in the stream, going along as he’s bidden.

It’s interesting that Kiyoi’s fellow actors see glimpses of his king persona, but receive it a different way. As a young actor, he’s no longer in a position to rule but back at the bottom, which has had to have had an impact on his mindset, at least a little.

At the same time, he’s whisked back to high school feelings on seeing Hira again. Perhaps to the day he kissed Hira and then never heard from him again. That had to sting. And if Hira has a boyfriend, like the Director says he does, he’s not suffered at all, has he? He’s getting along just fine. You can kind of see why he might act out a tiny bit. And perceive Hira as selfish.

Now from Hira’s side, it must seem like a tornado passing through, one that’s knocked him down numerous times. But he’d thought that it was gone, wound away to swirl a more deserving victim. Yet here he is, close enough to touch. Still ensnaring him. And still calling him creepy.

And then there’s Koyama, spending a special day with someone he likes; excited to provide a treat and impress. He’d even planned to introduce him to his brother. Hira reminded him of his brother when they first met, so the whole thing would have felt special. Then he finds himself standing between a rock and a hard place, namely Hira and Kiyoi.